he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
