Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
