Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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