mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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