So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
