You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
