that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
