I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
