He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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