i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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