I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
