I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
