Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
