I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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