i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
