get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
