My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
