how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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