Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
