they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
