They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
