woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i have two assholes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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