It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
