i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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