I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
