You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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