took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he thought i was a dude.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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