I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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