Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
