i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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