I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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