I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
