the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize