that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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