I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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