I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
