I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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