I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
