Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
