I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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