i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
