So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
