Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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