tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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