OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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