imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
