if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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