I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
