Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
