Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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