Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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