Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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