just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
