Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
