Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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