oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
