THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
