everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
