Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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