My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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