I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
