But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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