Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
