somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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