Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
