smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
