i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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