I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
