you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
