I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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