Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
