At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
